|Name||Eunice Swanson |
|Locale||Frazier, Iowa |
|Date||3:07:51 PM on Saturday, January 10, 1998 |
It's so nice to hear from you again. I know the girls have tried to fill you in on the goings on's her, but as you remember, they forget a lot of stuff.
First off, do you remember Ward Swanson's son Cliffie? Well him and Gilbert Scrumbo were up hunting in the fall of 83. They bagged a couple possums out by the railroad bridge west of Guthrie Center. Later that afternoon, Zelda and Grace Scrumbo went up there to clean the possums. There they was, just sittin on the rails, mindin their own business, skinnin two of the fattest old possums you'd ever want, and what happens...the 3:45 Union Pacific freight train don ran em down and done kilt em' dead as a doornail. Good news is that we were able to save the possums.
Later that year, Lamont and Cecilia Scrumbo had a new baby. Bad part it was black as the ace of spades. And Lamont claims he ain't got no African blood in him. They done took the kid down to the laundry room and bleached the snot out of the little critter. Turned him white for a couple weeks, but that dark color keeps a creepin back after a while.
I'm sure you remember Lola Swanson's dog Rojo. They had to put him to sleep finally. He got so darn mean there towards the end. Every time you'd try to pet him, he'd snarl and try to bite ya. They took him to Doc Green and he put him to sleep. Doc seems to think it had something to do with the #12 beaver trap that was hooked to his balls. Everyone around here thought it was a new fashion statement and didn't even give it a thought.
Nora Jane, dad's cousin passes on in the summer of 84. Seems she was out a hangin laundry and done got hit by lightning. The lightning bolt blew her shoes off and into Bud's back yard. Bright side was that all the nightcrawlers in her yard done came up and we had a fun time gatherin up fishin bait.
Speakin of fishing, Uncle Eldon Scrumbo, his wife Opal and their son Garth were up on Willow Creek a fishin for carp, when Eldon snagged a huge carp. He waded down in the creek, slipped and went under. Opal dove in after him and she too disappeared. Thank God Garth could swim. He dove in head-first, grabbed the pole and landed a 56# carp. We ain't found Eldon or Opal yet, but the guy from DNR said they'd pop up once the weather warmed up a bit.
I'm not sure if you remember Inez Swanson, Doris and Dwight's daughter. She done graduated from 5th grade in the spring of 85. She set several school records. First, being the oldest graduate at 22, and the one with the most kid's...we think she had 12 and one on the way. Any way, she' living with a house load of bikers in Coon Rapids and works part-time for the city.
In the fall of 85, Max Scrumbo, Leland's brother won the lottery. He'd been shoplifting tickets for years out of the same place he won the lottery at. He done came out of the deal with $150,000, but after paying the store back for all the tickets he done stole, he took home $4.50. Not bad for a guy with one arm.
In the fall of 85, Leon and Marshall Swanson went into the army. From what we hear they are both really high in the ranks. We done got a letter last week from Fort Leavenworth (where they are), stating they were in for a General Court Marshal. Wheeeeew...can you imagine that! They are a gonna be generals! Both of them. Leon and Marshall got sent to Fort Leavenworth after something about a robbery. They musta tried to stop one... from what we can gather. They must really like them down there, cause they've been there ever since 1985 and will be stationed there until 2045. We sorta miss the boys, they are always so busy... they never have time to come home. And when we want to go see them, they have to go out on a secret mission somewhere.
Swede Swanson and Marlene Scrumbo got hitched up in the spring of 86. They had to cut the honeymoon short so they could get Marlene back before she started school again. We're really proud of he. She's the first Scrumbo to finish 6th grade without any kids.
Kyle Swanson lost a leg during a pit bull fight in the summer of 85. Seems his dog got all sorts of crazy and done took him. Kyle had to walk clear to Jefferson with that dog hooked to his leg. But that's not the worse of it. He had to take the long way around (through Bayard) so he could eat lunch with Elmer Swanson at Shacks Bar and Grill.
Virgil and Dixie Scrumbo bought their first new car in 89. It was a beauty. A 1974 Yugo with a straight stick on the floor. Virgil was so proud of that car. It was a beautiful yellow (about the same color as Norman Swanson's teeth). Unfortunately, Dixie got drunk and hit a semi head-on down on the Fredrickson Curve by Panora. The sheriff and deputies said it only took 2-3 minutes to cut the car apart to get her out. Praise the Lord, just before the impact, she dove down on the floor just as the truck hit the car. She was taken to the Guthrie Center Hospital where they removed the Yugo's gearshift and exhaust manifold from her brain. Doctor told us she's lose 90% of her intelligence due to the injury. Actually it was a gain, she never had no brains at all before that.
Oh, before I forget, you missed last year's big Scrumbo/Swanson Summer Reunion. It was a blast. We all got together down by the Frazier Bridge, just east of here, pooled all our government cheese, rice, tuna and foodstamps and had a wail of a time. Lowell Swanson, as usual fell in the Coon River, Virgil threw up into the goat's milk pudding and of course Clara had another baby. It was a beautiful sight...right there on the picnic table. We all tried our best to push the little critter back in there, but eventually he won out and done got born on the Fourth of July. We had a big contest with all the family, to guess who the father was. And guess what...Titus Scrumbo got it right after we guessed all afternoon and into the evening. The old coot cheated....it was him all along!!!!!!I suppose it was fitting, it was his 100th birthday, and here was Clara almost 16. We were all sitting around wondering...what took him so long.
On the sad side, Harley Scrumbo done went and hung himself to death down in the basement. Everyone here was wondering where the heck he could have gone for so long...six months. We finally found him down in the basement of Glenda's house. Sure fooled us, we just thought it was the smell of the poached deer she got last year gettin a little on the spoiled side.
Orrin Swanson gone got kilt in 86. Seems he was walking home from church on night and got road killed by a grain truck. We took a spud bar up there and popped him off the pavement before the coyotes could get to him. Kelly Jo folded him up real nice and we planted him in the garden next to the asparagus.
Well, I'd better go try and find my notes. My memory ain't as good as it used to be. I'll write more later.